Stop drinking

Today I am frustrated and very angry. I went to Chris’ school today then we had lunch, I haven’t been eating in peace this affects my stomach. Much like many of the days after smoking a heavy amount of marijuana- I was in a haze. I’ve been paying close attention to the human beings around me and how they and I, I and they, they and they, I and I, relate to each other. I became aware of symbolic speech, symbolic subjects, and reflected on a discussion Brian and I had last night while high.

The topic of identity:

Identity on a superficial level (however still especially important in modern times), is in the form of social standing. Degrees, diplomas, awards, records, credit scores, affiliations. Core identity I’ve come to understand (or what I seem to believe) is the response to aesthetic. An immediate response is linked to a forever developing core.

IE.

A younger man decides to walk through a forest at dawn, the mixture of jasmine and oak together create a very profound effect that relates to his upbringing in a small town having experienced moments of solitude at play during a quiet autumn days with very similar lush vegetation- that is commonly known as smell memory. The importance lies here. During those moments there was no declaration of the moments beauty- it was appreciated with out the notion of why it was beautiful. There were no reasons for liking it. A small child is not able to deem an afternoon “serene” nor is he able to appreciate his first love as “winsome”. He cares not and knows not of the elements of beauty. He can not relate his first experiences to anything else because he has no experience of anything else- therefore he defines what is beautiful to him.

What are the parameters used when buying, or wearing an article of clothing?

Considering that wearing clothing is a socially acceptable form of conduct, and that one is free to design oneself in a vast number of ways, it is reasonable that he/she chooses to dress in whichever manner. This is an enabler of individuality. There are two forms- fashion and style. Fashion is a fleeting aesthetic driven by mass social acceptance (even of the esoteric kind). Style is personified and driven by a persons reaction to certain articles of clothing purchased and worn that accumulate into a particular wardrobe as opposed to a genre of clothing that carries many articles of clothing synonymous to each other.

There are certain things that will never go out of style in the United States.

A baseball cap on a male, blue jeans, converse etc…

For reasons being that they bear an affinity to the American aesthetic (however, dying or stagnant it maybe considered). A baseball cap embodies the American spirit through a game forged in one of the richest points in US history. A game that symbolizes capitalism in its purest sense.

Why not beehives, bell-bottoms, and afros? Fashions.

And now the topic of Love in relation to identity.

Does a man really strive to figuratively “marry his mother”?

Are these buried aesthetics truly in control of what this person defines as his perfect mate?

What about the insecurities that may need to be justified when he “marries his mother”? How much trust is fine for someone? Why is less trust justified in one relationship and not another. It’s only logical that a human be granted x amount of space. What determines x?

There will always be someone more beautiful, more intelligent, and more compatible to you than the person you are with. This is truth- and since it is truth humans should always be fleeting- like fashion.

But unlike the newest fashions. There are the days that were painful and that you remember, and are solemn to the thought. Is it wrong to disregard such a painful memory? Depression is the sore fibers of strengthening muscles. Should I really throw my holeist shirt into the garbage? It was my favorite.