Why I love the Sun.

So I ate a brownie today. You know the kind-more green than brown. A good friend came over and we discussed our lives elaborately in terms of self-doubt, self-unawareness, numbness etc.  I gave him my experiences. At times I stayed quiet while he talked and reflected negatively upon myself. The sky was a painted limbo of doubt and security. Rain and shine.

 

I doubted when it was cloudy. When he left and I was alone I lied on my bed closed my eyes and heard the shapes of my music. The hue of my room tinted into a rich yellow from gray like somber eyelids raising to jubilance.

And so was I.

 

Over the past year I have realized through countless memories of drawing sun soaked pictures at young age; my heavy concern with lighting; my questioning the origin of my serenity, my affinity with the sun.

So I traveled towards it. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and ushered my bike out of the backyard. The place I entered was a changed homeland. Rejuvenated and made fresh through doubt. The day had humbled and reassessed itself-

-the sky was clear like freshly cried eyes that allowed its beautiful essence to shine through.

I biked for a long while- weaving and combing through rediscovered streets. houses painted in calm comfortable colors, planters, palms, 2 car garages, yards with 3 second memories and vivid emotional attachments however subtle. Then I neared home- I rode through a full but static parking lot

The sky still beaming. I let go of the handle bars and closed my eyes. I became miles and miles above recognizable ground. The sun as my guide pulling me into an apex of warmth, happiness, bliss, contentment, self-love. I became winged by navigating blindly.

Refreshed like a day that doubts itself to strengthen the good that it sees with eyes cleared by tears.