I had a truly fantastic day today. The sky was blue, the leaves were bright, orange, yellow, red. Slight breeze on the walk to work. I listened to all my favorite songs on the job. It was pay day.
Harmony had followed me once again.
Then I began to fall. My mind changed back on to the frequency of bad thoughts. I started looking up statistics. I saw stereotypes, articles on race wars, numbers on increasing infidelity. I have now the visions of being backed into the corner. A weak world has forced me into for a second believing that I should ignore openness and remain in one place, stick to the familiar, stop the beating of my adventurous heart. Maybe the good in people is not the same a whole world around. Maybe I should live in my neighborhood afraid to step foot out of county lines for fear of what monsters are made in factories with big bold letters that spell out foreign words.
There are soulless men that will be condescending towards me. foreigners that will ignore me. Everywhere else is a land of whores built and programmed to deceive. Or is it a lie to myself. Who am I to say that they are wrong and that they should desist.
I have spoken down to my wise and noble elders, I have ignored my fellow man, and I have cheated on women that looked much like you.
I should embrace a walk into the unknown and face whatever beast I confront because I can only see my reflection and if I die it may be by the teeth of an animal of my creation and ignorance.
I ask myself. Is there respect? Is there loyalty? Is there tolerance? Is there good? Is there love?
What am I thinking…I’ve been through the cold, I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been rejected. Why am I afraid of any of this.
Fuck it.
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