3am is ALWAYS the appropriate time to walk to 711 and buy cigarettes.

I had a truly fantastic day today. The sky was blue, the leaves were bright, orange, yellow, red. Slight breeze on the walk to work. I listened to all my favorite songs on the job. It was pay day.

Harmony had followed me once again.

Then I began to fall. My mind changed back on to the frequency of bad thoughts. I started looking up statistics. I saw stereotypes, articles on race wars, numbers on increasing infidelity. I have now the visions of being backed into the corner. A weak world has forced me into for a second believing that I should ignore openness and remain in one place, stick to the familiar, stop the beating of my adventurous heart. Maybe the good in people is not the same a whole world around. Maybe I should live in my neighborhood afraid to step foot out of county lines for fear of what monsters are made in factories with big bold letters that spell out foreign words.

There are soulless men that will be condescending towards me. foreigners that will ignore me. Everywhere else is a land of whores built and programmed to deceive. Or is it a lie to myself. Who am I to say that they are wrong and that they should desist.

I have spoken down to my wise and noble elders, I have ignored my fellow man, and I have cheated on women that looked much like you.

I should embrace a walk into the unknown and face whatever beast I confront because I can only see my reflection and if I die it may be by the teeth of an animal of my creation and ignorance.

I ask myself. Is there respect? Is there loyalty? Is there tolerance? Is there good? Is there love?

What am I thinking…I’ve been through the cold, I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been rejected. Why am I afraid of any of this.

Fuck it. 

Weird Behavior

I’ve been walking at night lately. Usually between 10pm and 3am. I enjoy the solitude.

My life structure has become strangely free-form and suspiciously simplistic. Its cool to have a break from 22 years of busyness.

Even more bizarre is the fact that I’m more productive than ever. I’ve been reading more now than in any year of school. I’ve grown more in 3 months than whole years at a time. I’ve got a clearer idea of where, what, and how I’m going to be in the future and am shaping myself daily. Saving money is much easier.

But the means of this growth come from such weird behavior.

Gifts in general

I have this funny habit when I get something new. If I either paid a lot of money for it, or it was costly for the person that bought it for me, or it was something I’ve been waiting for, or it is something I appreciate very much it gets a red carpet premier. I usually clean my room, designate a spot for it and/or wash my hands.

I BEG YOU!

Please dream. Large and righteous dreams and understand that by grace, knowledge of self, faith, and imagination you will be rewarded each blessed scene under harmony, wisdom, and well-being.

May you continue with strength under your own regal accord.

Very VERY nice! :]

4

It shall be that also another man may feel that he finds treasure by chance or prayer and that it may flee into death. That he may weep that she is gone and may weep harder that she is more with him though he may not see, hear, touch, smell, or taste her.

There is a woman that shall choose to feel the same.

Off-white

All of my garments are now marked with the black charcoal of deviance. No wash cloth or bleach can remove the stains. Have I erred from purity and tainted myself with dark unconsciousness?

My temple has saturated for too long in filthy waters and become drenched in morbid intent.

Not even fire can burn these unjust streaks without entire consumption. I must bare with learned pride that I still wear my lightest cloth in remembrance of my sullied past.

Though I know that with these stains I can never truly wear white again. 

Two things about me.

A star that shoots is remembered by the dynamic of its rise and fall but a star that shoots that flares and stops has left no trails or bursts of light when it begins and ends.

 

Thus with no gradient of birth and death it remains infinite.

 

AND

 

As a child I would have a reoccurring vision of an enormous crystalline chamber of ice that carried within it an unflinching eternal flame burning brightly with immeasurable heat. Yet somehow it never melted its casing.

Those that speak the loudest follow the man who raised his voice.

Mankind takes a vote on its destiny or evolution. Ironically it follows not leaders but its followers.

Are we speaking or screaming.

Living or surviving.

He who is or should be most dominant attracts, creates, inspires and radiates peace.