It's funny the way the mind processes things. When it's affected by powerful instances.
Influential, inspiring, detrimental, catastrophic, euphoric, dull, insipid, mundane. In my mind each experience is an eyebrow raise, hesitant word, ray of sunshine apart from each other.
I've picked up a few bad habits from my travels- but even these are a benefit. I tend to myself and live and feel life as if there were no tomorrow. Not to say that I act obnoxiously but I relish the time I am with my friends and treat them like royal siblings.
The blight that this attitude imposes on me is a definite strain on my physicality. Plainly put: I'm wearing myself out-over exerting myself.
And when I do put myself in social situations in this state I usually require alcohol to retain a smile-seldom seen already.
Last Saturday I went to Jason Y's and Tiffany's birthday party. Having worked a double shift prior-it seems hardly believable in retrospect that anyone would be in any mood to party.
However, in past experiences when energies had been low, there were glorious moments that sprung up within a moments notice. Trips to LA, to the beach, walks at 2am, private parties in my living room; etc, etc, etc. When with good compatible people the setting truly does not matter - just context, true friends create context: my justification for staying out.
Last Sunday [after the party] I woke up hung over, slightly-ashamed that in social settings my more distant friends always see me intoxicated. I suppose I'm just not as close to that group as most others there.
Fuck. I'm probably just not willing to accept that I hold back.
...or am beginning the first and central stages of alcoholism. NAH.
When I'm high- I feel best when I speak. I feel at home. In Europe I was relentlessly myself. New. I've comeback still changed but hindered.
I'm limiting myself.
[Back to Sunday]
I woke up. Hung-over, cotton-mouthed, and blank. I moped around my house for a while in a triangular motion between sprawling out on my bed collecting peering sun, the kitchen to grab a slice of pizza and diet coke and the computer to let see if anyone wanted to come with me to LA-via bike.
Even after the fact-even more than I led others including myself to believe-the ride itself was inspiring, reflective, and self-revealing. Humbling.
[Back to the moment-outside of its timeless metaphysical gradient]
I thought: Brian. He'd be a good person to ask out to a venture like this. Within 30 seconds I received a call from Brian and we were off by 15:00. It's funny the way situations work out.
I hesitated to call only because I might have desired quietness for my thoughts. Considering this-I concocted a hybrid plan of solitude and close companionship. We synchronized iPods. Blessed was the moment when we happened unknowingly upon this song, which epitomizes my point during the day and in altogether life.
Sunday comes alone again
A perfect day for a quiet friend
And you, you will set it free
I see new morning around your face
Everybody says it's another phase
And now, now it's come to me
See the magic in your eyes
I see it come as no surprise
And you, you turn your eyes away
Yeah, you, you turn it all away
I guess it's true, it's never too late
Still I don't know what to do today
Oh, why can't I set you free?
Will you do the same for me?
Sunday comes and Sunday goes
Sunday always seems to move so slow
To me, here she comes again
A perfect ending to a perfect day
A perfect ending, what can I say
To you, lonely Sunday friend?
With you, Sunday never ends
It's funny how certain days feel. The properties they hold. Ineffable, or seemingly so. Sunday.
I just needed perspective. I feel jammed with a set group of people. Over the course of a short life I've developed life long relationships with people. I hold a strong role in the life of a handful.
I thought back to my time In København with Fernelly...
To aid my development I must be able to roam. I love my friends and acquaintances so much, though. If they gracefully accept my departure I will return to them more able to give back.
"New pals have adventures; old pals just reminisce every now and then, about the ones they had at one point shared."
(Disregard that statement. It is only partially relevant to this blog but very relevant to this past evening).
I realize now that the most important thing a human being can offer to another is a better self. Self-centered, calm, passionate, spontaneous, stable, cooperative, understanding, magnanimous, honest, flawed but aware.
I may simply need new friends. Honestly, I think I straight up need a bitch at this point in life. I'm not even worried about the sexual aspect. I'm just down for romance and late nights conversations-intimacy I suppose.
Regardless, it is time for me to continue on my journey. A wayward soul is all I'll need. 
If I may be so bold-I will go as far as to say that we will both continue down the unknown road together.
